A WRITE-UP EVERY GIRL SHOULD READ

This article is not to stir up paranoia in you, or change your perception of love. This is just what I have learned and realized after a string of bad breakups and countless conversations with friends (few years my senior mostly) who have had more experiences in the past. But I must say, writing this blog got me picturing myself putting on that phenomenal wonderwoman getup running everywhere like a woman on a mission. What a funny thought. Not one of those HA-HA-HA jokes though.

I remember the very first time a boy has ever laid eyes on me. It was a moment I kept in my heart. Who would forget something like that? It was an event that changed my life forever. His name was Harry. We went to the same school. He was a new comer when we were in Sophomore. We clicked instantly. Back in my high school days, I used to be called “Ms. Congeniality” I even received a small trophy for playing that title very well. I was indeed very pleasing and friendly. And so, making friends with Harry was easy as ABC. I don’t exactly remember how it started, but one thing was certain – we became the best of friends right away.

We would always hang out every after school at my place or in that small canteen just outside our school named MangDo. I was also his Math and History tutor. When we are not together, we would spend our time talking over the phone until we fall to sleep. And the next day, he would wait for me at the school gate so we go to the assembly together. Being late most of the time, we would always be asked by the principal to come up the stage and stand there for the whole duration of the assembly. That was how we made our names. HA!

It was not that long before we decided to take our friendship to the next level. He was my first boyfriend. My best friend who became my best boyfriend. It was a relationship everyone envied. It was founded by trust, respect, love and friendship. Definitely a beautiful love story. Until he cheated.

And so, I had to leave him. It wasn’t easy. Two years wasn’t a joke. But at that time, it was the best thing to do. At least that was what I thought. Cheating for me marks an end to every relationship.

I consciously looked for someone to fill the place Harry once had. I’ve had one too many. I tried to see HIM in every guy I met. But none of them ever captured my heart. It was never the same.

Until I found “the one” who swept me off my feet. He came at the right time and right place. I was back in the loop.  Love came my way again. My heart beat for a young man named Alfred.

This time, it lasted for 5 years. It was better compared to the first one. I guess my first relationship prepared me for the next one in line. I was more mature and better handled situations.

We were both in college then and just starting to explore life. For me, it meant making new friends and trying out new things. It was different for him. His exploration included girls. I was again cheated on. Many times. It happened over and over. Until I couldn’t take it anymore. I broke up with him. If I didn’t, I would have lost my self-esteem.

Soon, I found another companionship that tasted like real love. Alfred was replaced.

Though everything happened pretty fast, the relationship was such a bliss and managed to last, somehow. My world revolved around Oscar. I became really close with his family (and still am as I write this).

Everything was so perfect that we thought of getting married. We even planned it with our parents. The first months were magical. He was too good to be true. He was every woman’s ideal man (trust me) But then, like the two bastards before him, he cheated too. I didn’t see that coming. I let my guards down and allowed him take over me. Why don’t I ever learn?

And so the relationship came to an end just early this year. Since then, I went on dates with different guys and tried to study them. It only brought me to one conclusion: Men are unique – Unique in the sense that they play their games different from each other. Still and all, game will always be in the picture. That has been the argument between women and men. The latter would always defend themselves (of course) and say it’s not true, but be that as it may, I have been there and seen it and felt it. For me, it’s real. This really happens. Maybe not to you, but it proved its existence to me and I am only speaking for myself.

I never, ever committed after that. I wasn’t ready yet. And still not up to this very day. Just the thought of jumping into a relationship again makes me sick. Finally, the happiness and completeness I have been searching all my life appeared transparently right into my face. I thought that would only be possible if you had a partner – the better half, as they may claim. Apparently, that is not the case with me. I have an astounding relationship with myself and so far, this is the best state I have ever been in my entire life.

THE BEGINNING

One time, I chanced upon my sister’s supposed-to-be-husband, Zander. They were together for 11 years. Why didn’t they get married, you may ask. He cheated, few months before the exchange of their vows. As expected, my sister called off the wedding.

So this was what our conversation covered.

CHEATING

Zander shared a story of him that happened months back. He was at the bank to deposit some money. Beside him was a couple in their early 70’s. They were really sweet and was joking around, laughing really hard. They were an epitome of true love.

Of course, they caught the banker’s attention. I mean, who would have not? And so she inquired, “Sir / Ma’am, if you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been together and what is your secret for a long-lasting marriage?”

The old man was quick to respond. “We have been married for 53 years now. The secret? It’s simple. Women should make bigger adjustments than men, and that they should accept the fact that men by nature are polygamous.”

The story lingered in my mind. I thought about it hard enough and came up with a realization. A wise one (though I am not sure if any woman or man for that matter, would agree with me on this one)

THE REALIZATION

All men cheat. At some point, they will. No one won’t. They will cheat, from the simplest to the most extreme form.

With all the heartbreak episodes, I think it’s safe to say that I have all the right to be preaching about this. These are the pains of being pure at heart. Don’t get me wrong. Like I said at the start of this write-up, I am not trying to stir up paranoia, tension and whatnot.

I have always believed that cheating is a mortal sin. If you have been unfaithful to your partner, then the relationship should stop immediately. Right there and then after you knew about it. It is an unforgivable act and should never be tolerated. With this being said, it’s pretty obvious why I break up with my boyfriends, my cheater bastard ex-boyfriends the moment they betray me.

But then again, if I will live up to this belief, then that would mean jumping from one relationship to another until I die.

REPEAT: UNTIL I DIE.

Because I will never find a one-woman-man.

I mean, I put an end to a relationship when my partner fools around. I look for another prospect, but that doesn't guarantee that this next partner will never cheat on me. So what's the point of leaving and finding another one and starting all over again? Useless. And ridiculous.

THE CHOICES

It's either I waste all my life desperately trying to look for the model type relationship and die unsuccessful of this mission

OR

I accept the fact that men are naturally philanderers and just go with it.

It's just a matter of how much I can take. The moment you commit, you take heartbreaks and cheatingsss with it. They go hand in hand.

HOW I PLAN TO GO ABOUT THIS

Cheating is allowed, until I find out about it. My man can do whatever he intends to do, for as long as I do not obtain knowledge of the dirty dark secrets. If I do, then it’s over. Trust is given 100% at the very start of every relationship sans hesitation. I will believe him unless he provides me reasons to do otherwise.

The experiences I have had in the past gave me a cold-blooded life lesson. I learned it the hard way. Had I not encountered these emotional miseries, I would be weak, fragile and flimsy. To put that into perspective, let me take for temporary use the wise words of the German philosopher Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche:

“WHAT DOES NOT KILL YOU ONLY MAKES YOU STRONGER.”

And I am alive. I survived. That should say something to you.

Note: Names of the characters in this write-up had been changed to conceal their personalities. Some events may also be a little twisted, but not far for what truly took place.

If you wish to comment or if you may have any violent reaction, please feel free to share them. I am very much welcoming it. :)

My last cigarette for him:

I wanted to hear his truth, but I wanted his truth to be what I wanted to hear.. so I sat confused.. I didn’t want to hear it from his friends, but him.. we never had the chance to REALLY have a conversation, I mean a serious one, you know, like the ones we had before.. time built walls between us, how to break them down, I don’t know, I’m not even sure if that’s possible..

I thought back to the first night that we kissed. I pictured him standing in front of me, smiling as he brushed my hair from my face, exposing my eyes – my eyes that entrusted every word escaping his lips. I could remember the way he tasted and the way he smelled. I could still hear him whispering into my ear. I had opened up to him and told him things I couldn’t tell anybody. Everything was perfect. I didn’t know what went wrong along the way.

I drifted back to the time I had gone days without eating. Liquor became my nourishment, and cigarettes my best friend. After a couple of days, I forced myself to believe I was strong. I felt unstoppable, but in reality I had become what I promised myself I would never be. I despised being stared in the face, reminding me that he had won. I began moving on to other vices, hoping to hide myself from the pain. My world seemed to be crashing down around me, and I felt completely alone. Day after day, I would find myself in the same situations. Ones I couldn’t control.

Remembering all these, my tears searched their way out.. my face became a fluid. I wiped away the tears with the sleeve of my shirt, then pulled a pack of cigarettes from my pocket. I removed a cigarette and let it rest gently between my fingers. Reaching back into my pocket, I pulled out a black lighter. Lighting the cigarette, I pulled the smoke into my lungs. A tear slid down my cheek, but I didn’t brush it away this time. Instead I let it roll down my chin and drip onto my jeans.

He appreciated my insecurities, which allowed him to be a part of my survival. He would always tell me that even when he finds another girl, he would still seek for my imperfections. I considered the reality of his influence, and I realize I had finally found a way to reclaim myself.

The last time we were together was when I went to his place… we cooked, we talked, we laughed, we hugged, we kissed… things we used to do before… things i would surely miss… things that made me feel so complete… the feeling was — unexplainable… I don’t know what it was, but it felt good, really… and I’d trade anything for that to happen again… because after that day, I never felt complete again…

"What you don’t know will not hurt you.." Like he always tells me… and truth will, i guess, set me free… 

I finished the cigarette and left it still burning on the floor. I walked out of the house and stepped onto the sidewalk. The air was cold and I felt more alone than usual. I walked to the edge of the road and stared at the tracks leading away from me, challenging me to follow. My throat tightened, although what I felt wasn’t sorrow, but relief. With a defiant step I began to walk in the opposite direction, leaving my uncertainty behind.

"i didn’t ask for it to be over, but then again, i never asked for it to begin.. for that’s the way it is with love… EVEN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DAYS EVENTUALLY HAVE THEIR SUNSETS…"

Ang pangarap kong Jackpot

Ilang araw na din ako nag-bblog, marami-rami na rin akong naisulat tungkol sa kung anu-anong bagay. Mula sa mga anomalyang nangyayari sa Pilipinas, sa nalalapit kong pag-explore ng Cebu hanggang sa kalokohan ng pag-ibig at mga kasawian ko dito. May maisulat lang ba.

So ano na naman kaya ang isusulat ko ngayon? Hmm. Hunyo. Buwan ng kasalan (ok, kasawian na naman!) I can’t help it, yan ang mga pangyayaring nakapaligid sakin ngayon. Kasalan dyan, kasalan don. Ako na lang yata ang bukod-tanging naglalaway sa ideya na yan! Nakakatawa!

Nung high school ako, meron kaming nabuong barkadahan. Lahat kami sa grupo ay mga promising ladies (haha, promising talaga!) Kidding aside, mga bright kasi ang mga ito, at lahat sila’y mga di makabasag pinggan. (ewan ko ba kung paano ako nakasali sa grupo na to, e hindi lang pinggan ang binabasag ko.) At dahil dyan, sila na! sila na talaga ang mga pansinin sa batch! Mapa-higher level o pedopilya, nahuhumaling sa kanila. Hinakot na nila ang lahat ng awards! Bongga diba! Pero tatlo sa amin (una, maganda naman siya at matalino rin pero may katabaan. Pangalawa, bakla. Ako ang pangatlo – makapal ang kilay, may braces, payat) Kami ang mga walang love life!

Madalas, telebabad kami sa telepono. Uso pa nun ang three-way conference. Walang araw na hindi kami nagtanong kung bakit wala kaming pag-ibig sa school. Isang tanong na hindi ko makalimutan, pero hindi ko rin masagot – Panget ba tayo? Lols. Feeling ko hindi naman, talagang choosy lang kami HAHA.

Kaya naman kapag may after school hang outs kami at ang mga manliligaw / boyfriends na nila ang napag-uusapan, nananahimik kami sa isang tabi. Kunwa-kunwaring nakikinig  o kaya busy-busyhan sa pagtetext.

Sa araw na to, karamihan sa barkada naming ang engaged na, kung hindi man, tali na. Kaming tatlo? Well, trabaho ang love life naming. Si una, nasa states na at nag nnurse doon, nagpapayaman. Single parin. Si pangalawa, O.R. nurse. Single din. Ako? Eto, pa-petix petix lang at syempre, single rin. MOMOL group, yan ang itatawag ko sa secret society namin. Make-out make-out lang.

Pero hindi naman kami nagging single forever. Hindi naman kami kauri ni Imang na walang singpanget. Pero ang mga relationships namin, lahat fail. Well, lost nila yun. Chura ha!

Early next year, magcchurch wedding na ang isa naming kaibigan sa boyfriend niya for 10 years. Akalain mo yun! Yun at yun lang ang naging boyfriend nya. Sa sampung taon nilang pagsasama, akming tatlo ay nagpapaligsahan naman kung ilang lalaki ang mahuhumaling samin. ANg saya diba.

Ini-imagine kong maglalakad din ako papunta sa altar, at sasalubong sakin ang pinaka gwapong lalaking baliw na baliw sakin. Hanggang sa oras na to, imagination pa rin yan. HAHA. Funny how weddings always make me cry. NUng kinasal ang kapatid ko, humahagulgol ako. Daig ko pa ang nanay ko sa iyak. (Classic! Hahaha) I have no idea why, but maybe because…. Yan ang biggest dream ko. TO BE A LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE! Chos. What a funny thought.

O siya, maghahanap na muna ako ng tutupad ng aking pangarap. HA!

A girl could dream

Just recently, a good friend of mine, Melissa, from high school got married to her boyfriend of 10 years, Paolo, who was also a schoolmate but 2 years our senior.

I’ve seen them since the day they became friends up to the time they realized that it was no longer just friendship – they discovered to have romantic feelings towards each other.

I remember we were in sophomore, we joined Girl Scouts of the Philippines. Every camping, the Boy Scouts would join us. It was really fun. We learned a lot and enjoyed every activity we had. Soon, the closeness began between the two groups. We would hang out after school at my place, and the closeness became more intense. It was a cater-cousin kind of relationship. Some discovered mutual likeness with each other, until it blossomed to a beautiful puppy love affair.

But the kind of fondness Melissa and Paolo found within themselves was different from the rest. When everybody was breaking up and falling apart, they remained strong, we envied them. Yes, including me. I have lusted and longed for a perfect relationship because seeing them as a couple made me realize that fairy tales could happen in real life. Maybe not with a white horse trotting my way, but sure there is a charming prince in the picture, professing his love for me.

Sometimes, I would find myself looking out the window as if I was being directed to pose for a music video, daydreaming my knight in shining armor would throw a pebble to catch my attention. I could hear him hollering my name, begging to be heard. Though even before I could declare what I feel inside, I’m pulled back to reality. It was just one too many regular days in my life where I just stay by the window watching everyone pass me by. The pebbles thrown in my direction were just thick raindrops falling on the roof rolling down the window… and well, my name being called? It was just an imagination.

But then again, a girl could dream.

To this day, I’m still in my long search of the very man who will sweep me off my feet. In a string of bad breakups, I have mastered the art of solitariness. But you know, at some point it will hit you hard, and you fancy having a companion --- a partner.

He will come I know. The right time may not be nigh, but it will. Until then, I will take pleasure in other things the world is offering me. So when Prince charming and I cross paths, I will be ready for him right off the reel. It will then be perfect. Just like the movies. There is a happy ending.

ooh Cebu, I am coming for you!

I am booked to Cebu and it’s actually my first trip outside Luzon. So thought I’d search for the best places I can go to when I get there. You know, it’s not everyday that you get a chance to have your leave approved, so might as well enjoy it and EXPLORE it to the FULLEST, right?

Well, I can’t say much about the city yet. But I read some blogs about it and it made me even more excited to experience life in Cebu.

GOAL: To make my 3-day stay legendary. It would be a lovely indulgence.

My best friend, Mary, lives in this beautiful city of Cebu. She told me lots of things about her hometown. The good, the bad and the bad that makes it so good. Being her friend for almost half of my life, I can really tell as early as now that I am going to love the people in Cebu. Though I am bit nervous as this is my first flight out, I just know it’s going to be awesome! This is definitely a to-die-for trip!

From wikipedia:

“The City of Cebu (Cebuano: Dakbayan sa Sugbo) is the capital city of Cebu and the second city in the Philippines, the second most significant metropolitan centre in the Philippines and known as the oldest city established by the Spaniards in the country.

The city is located on the eastern shore of Cebu and was the first Spanish settlement in the Philippines. Cebu is the Philippines' main domestic shipping port and is home to about 80% of the country's domestic shipping companies. Cebu also holds the second largest international flights in the Philippines and is a significant centre of commerce, trade and industry in the Visayas and Mindanao region. According to the 2009 LGPMS census, the city has a population of about 822,628 people.”

I leave this Saturday, 18^th of June, 6am and return on the evening of Monday, 20^th. I will be staying in Shangri-La Mactan, the room is beach front. Oooh just the thought of it activates my happy hormones already. I can feel every cell there is in my system leaping for joy while dressed in best beach attire. It’s like the cells want to suck life out of the life in me and be on their own. That is how excited they are. And me.

I managed to make a list of what I want to (try to) do and places I want to visit as soon as I land my feet on Cebu ground.

Ø      Skywalk

Ø      Edge coaster

Ø      Street foods

Ø      Cebuano cuisine (Lechon would be the 1^st on my list)

Ø      Night life

Ø      Falls

Ø      Beaches

Ø      Sky diving (Kontiki Divers)

Ø      Churches / Temples

Ø      Theaters / cinemas

I am not sure if the list is even doable. I mean, my 3-day stay in Cebu is not enough to delve into all there is to explore.

But just the same, I feel it’s going to be perfect. I will let you know how my little adventure went in the next blog I write.

Now excuse me while I prepare my things and pack my bag. Talk about being EXCITED. HA!

So long!

Longing for great perhaps: PCSO

There has been quite a bit talk since Manuel Morato exposed his accusations against the present chairperson of PCSO, Margie Juico and her board members. Morato claims he speaks on behalf of the less fortunate Filipinos. Unless you have been stuck in the cave forever which made you lose your place in the loop, you would really find the words of this man so credible,  you will hate Juico or the whole PCSO for that matter.

Recently the topic was brought up again. PCSO was featured in Ted Failon’s program, reviewing and trying to give answers as to why the lotto machines were rented when they could have just purchased them and saved billions of money. The money wasted could have reached many lives of people who depend on PCSO for medical assistance.

But for some bizarre reason, the previous administrations had been doing some dirty works. (it’s really hard to pin down where and when it all started). One thing’s for sure – it’s been there, always have. So Morato shouldn't go out and try to come off clean to public by pointing his fingers at the person currently handling the troubles he created. Makes sense?

One crazy decision made by him and his administration was when they agreed on the joint contract with TMA, an Australian firm, to supply the thermal paper for 50 years. Let me say that again, FIFTY YEARS! 

Morato said there is nothing wrong with 50 years time. Sure PCSO is there to stay for the next 100 years or more. I'm not arguing what he said in the video. In fact, I believe it’ll be there forever. The problem I have is that the agreement costs 42 BILLION. The charity funds will be affected. Until it’s over, PCSO will be shedding out this huge amount just for the thermal paper used for printing out lotto tickets – which who knows, in the next 10 to 20 years, others will be able to produce the same quality of papers for a way more cheaper price. Who knows, it could be us doing the job. Nothing is impossible nowadays. We are upgrading faster than we could ever imagine. Tying up with a contract this long is just a very stupid idea. What an arse.

Corruption is always there. It happens in the smallest organization to the biggest ones. I swear on the day the world began, it will never go away, unless superman starts flying all over the cities of the world again, eyeing the bad guys. I just had a vision, Spiderman and Batman were tagging along. What a funny imagination.

We were quick to fancy that things were going very smoothly. Tweeted and re-tweeted and blogged and facebook-liked stats and emailed and forwarded every newsbits, every information – read or heard from wherever or whoever – spreading the "good news."

Then we sobered up a bit and realized none of what we fan out were real. They were just make-believes. The fools believe, the gullible ones. I pity them. What a shame. Worse part is, this is becoming like a disease. The firm ones are not so firm after all, they are infected, contaminated – minds have been POLLUTED.

And then we looked on in horror as our country loses the battle of corruption, little by little. The “chosen ones” who are expected to lead his people to success do otherwise. Even more astounding (surprise, surprise) is the revelation that they are not even prepared to rule. They themselves need light and guidance.
 
Now, we are faced with a lot of questions and uncertainties. Will this be over? Will this issues and problems be resolved? Is the charity fund enough? What difference will Juico make this time? PCSO, as their mission would say, is there to help those who are in need -- all the time. Is it still safe to cling on to this one?

The obvious waiting-to-happen is Morato will keep on blaming others for the troubles he started himself. But like the saying goes, “The truth shall prevail”

We shall see.

Only in the Philippines!

GHOST PATIENTS GINASTUSAN NG LOTTO

CLAP CLAP CLAP!  Kay husay talaga ng mga opisyales ng PCSO. Sa kabila ng pangakong tumulong sa mga nangangailangan, sila pa ay nagnanakaw ng pondong nakalaan sa mga mahihirap lalo na sa mga may sakit.

Halagang P300 milyon ang para sana sa maraming inidibidwal na kumakapit at umaasa sa PCSO. Totoo nga ang sabi nila, ang mayayaman ay lalo pang yumayaman, at ang mahihirap ay lalo pang humihirap. Only in the Philippine, ika nga ng mga banyaga. Sa dinami rami ng aking kaibigan mula sa iba’t ibang bansa, tuwing bumibisita sila dito, bukod sa mga popular tourist spots na masayang puntahan, malimit din namin mapag kwentuhan ang pamamalakad dito sa Pinas!  Paano nga ba?

Politika. Oposyales. Korapsyon. Siraan. Hatakan. Inggitan. Di-pagkakaunawaan. Pera. Suhol. Kanya-kanya.

Yaan. Yan ang Pilipinas. Mahusay, hindi ba?

Nakalulungkot isipin na ang mga opisyales na ito ay  mula sa mararangyang pamilya, at produkto ng mga magagandang eskuwelahan kung saan ang edukasyon ay magaling. Ngunit hindi pala kasama dito ang mahusay na paghubog sa kanilang katauhan. Sila ay mga propesyonal at mataas na uri ng tao sa lipunan na sana’y tumutulong sa mga nakakababa sa kanila. Para lamang yang kapatiran, hindi ba.

Korupsyon parin ba? Hindi na ba ito talagang maiiwasan? Pera, pera, pera. Yan na nga lang ba ang mahalaga? Sa P300 Milyon halaga na para sana sa pagpapagamot ng mga may sakit, nakuha pa nilang limasin at gamitin ang pera para sa kanilang sariling kapakanan.

Buhay ng tao ang pinag-uusapan natin dito. At tayo ay magkaka lahi, magkakapatid. Ang kaunlaran ng isa ay kaunlaran ng lahat.

Paumanhin sa ating mga kapatid na napagdamutan, nalinlang, at higit sa lahat, nasakatan.

EYES ON YOU, JUSTICE

5 ex-PCSO officials kakasuhan sa P42-B contract


I chanced upon this article about the 42-B contract signed by Manoling and friends for the thermal paper to be used on lotto tickets. As claimed by Morato, the Australian firm offers the best quality of the said product. Oh, but that is P42 BILLION… a very huge amount of money. I wonder if that was really the amount agreed upon by PCSO and TMA Group of Companies… I just wonder...

If Justice still exists in my beloved country, that would be one miracle. I have kept my eyes wide open and watched the Judicial system. The rate they take things only puts not only the both parties, but everyone who has involvement in the case in agonies. The long wait is almost intolerable.

The atrocity of those officials who signed up for the 50-year contract was abominable in its scale. Why would they sign up and take 50-years agreement? Every single one of them will be dead and still, the contract is effective, making the succeeding officials of PCSO who could have come up with a better deal no choice but just let the previous commitment finish.

I take it that our men do not trust the people of his own race that they are capable of doing this. 50 years is such a very long time and a lot can happen in those years. Possibilities are: the same quality of paper this Australian firm produces can equal to that of what we Filipinos can do. Had that contract agreed on a shorter time, the Filipinos can take over and many jobs will be open for our fellow men.

What is alarming, however, is the glacial pace of the action. But at least there were concern individuals in who are willing to handle and look over things done in the previous administration. Even the present chairperson, Margie Juico, and her board members, are cooperating.

There are a lot of voices that sounded lack of faith as to whether the trial will be concluded.

Concurrently, I hear inquiries about how such bad event as this happened, followed by an eerie question if this situation would repeat itself with the previous administration. I hope not.

Clearly, the Judicial system should act on this the soonest time possible, and PLEASE NO SHORT CUTS!

All I can say is that: The world is closely checking out and waiting to see whether justice would be done.

How long can I stand the SILENCE?

I have not been spreading my propagandas for the last three days, and I must say.. Oh boy, I really did miss it! You know, there are times when you feel so inspirited that you just want to write your thoughts out loud. You get a pen and just jot them down. But by and large, there are those moments when your mind isn’t just there. It’s somewhere else, and you find yourself not able to think of a good subject matter to write about. Not that you lost your brain in the woods – you just want to make sure that when you get that pen going or fingers hitting the keyboard, it comes from the heart and mind so it catches the attention of your readers.
Here’s the scenario: I can no longer last another minute of absence of sound, but my mind is just filled with so many pregnant thoughts, I don’t know where to start.

After high school, I told my parents that I wanted to take up Mass Communication or Journalism. I have always dreamed of becoming a newscaster or a journalist. But my Dad said newscasting or writing won’t make me rich. As a child, I believed him. And so, I took up Nursing, together with all the other 50,000 aspiring “millionaires” (that’s the title that comes with the profession). HA! I was lucky enough to survive the course. Though it was a real challenge – and a pain in the ass. When your heart is not where it should be, there’s that emptiness inside of you, longing to be filled in.

Where am I now? I followed my heart and I feel happy about it. I write. You know that your decision is right when at the end of the day, there is peace in your heart and mind and soul. I have.

Who would have thought I’d fall for what I exactly want to do in life? It’s like a dream come true (somebody pinch me now and bring me back to reality – on second thought, just leave me be)

Well, there is this feeling of fulfillment when you write, and that feeling is incomparable. And I write because I need to let my thoughts out, be heard and be understood, for in writing, your thoughts are expressed freely without being interrupted. Reactions and opinions will come in later, after you have said your piece. Or to put it into perspective, let me take for temporary use the wise words of Enrique Jardiel Poncela, “When something can be read without effort, great effort has gone into its writing.”

Now, excuse me while I think of an interesting topic to write about.

A dose of his own medicine: MANOLING MORATO

The recent happenings in the Philippines are really alarming – and depressing. But this is not something that happened for the first time. I wonder how hard it is for the media to air news on televisions and radios, as well as journalists to write in the newspapers, magazines and whatnot, bringing their viewers, listeners and readers  information the Filipinos should not be proud of.  Our broadcasting industry should really begin to look deep within itself and see if it’s doing this country any good, or harm.

Looks like the ever dashing Queen wanna-be Manuel Morato got a dose of his own medicine. So, he’s been enjoying the all-time hobby of propeling false allegations through the air. The poor Margie Juico had been receiving all it in a manner as a well-educated person would take it.

But Colmenares wouldn’t let Morato’s turn to be on the hotseat slide. PCSO in P50-B anomalous contracts? What is this?

“Bayan Muna party-list Rep. Neri Javier Colmenares revealed that an approximately P42-billion worth of thermal paper contract was entered into by PCSO and an Australian company TMA. The contract had a life span of 50 years. “

Who was behind this? Manuel Morato, the former PCSO chairperson.

What in the world was he thinking? 50 years is such a long, long, long, (gasp) long time. Many things can happen in those years. Filipinos could invent or level on the quality products the Australian company TMA is offering. If I am not mistaken, Morato claims to be a humanitarian. And I believe if he really is this person, then Filipinos will be the very first “humans” on his list.

“Morato explained that even if thermal papers quality improves in the next 50 years, TMA will be the pioneering company to produce such since they are the global leader in thermal papers.”

"They are the best in the world, walang ilalabas na pera ang PCSO, sila gagastos sa P3 billion plant na itatayo nila, bababaan nila presyo, at lahat ng benta all over the world, may commission na 20% ang PCSO," he added.

Where is your faith to your people? You say you are the voice of the Philippine mankind, but did you not hear them cry out loud begging for “JOBS”?

Here are just some positive could-have-beens, only if this contract never happened:

ü  Cheaper cost for thermal paper

ü  More jobs for Filipinos – and so people will spend more so there is stimulation of the economy leading to an increased GDP and an over all wealth increase

ü  The crisis in economy will get better

ü  Patriotism is practiced

ü  We, the Filipinos, could be the one handling a contract to clients across the world, instead of Australian company TMA. Hence, more business and money income for the country

ü  The 20% commission could have been not just commission, but the whole income goes to the Filipinos

ü  And a lot, lot, lot more (you do not expect me to give them all to you, do you?)

All the more that Morato has put himself on the spotlight when he secretly spent P7.2 Billion on advertising and PR. No wonder he is so famous today.

Intelligence funds? Really now. Funny how Morato drags Juico to the ground, almost making her too embarrassed to face the public. He accuses her of many wrongdoings as if he has never done anything. Because he was too eager to come out in the open and lambaste the present PCSO administration, his dark acts were discovered. I bet he wishes so bad for a fairy godmother to just take him back to that day before he got himself into this controversy.

Our country is not corrupt, but the officials and politicians are. It is true that corruption can not be avoided. Maybe there are some countries where corruption is less than how it is in the Philippines. But come to think of it, if our leaders and officials are all honest, then our economy will be better. Result? Then professionals do not need to work abroad. Labor force in our country won’t have to be exported. More investors will be attracted to put up businesses here. Ergo, more job opportunities for Filipinos. That means, there will be more money and projects will be properly implemented and that will make this country a better place to live.

Snap back to reality. This is not the case. There is inequality between those who are rich and poor. It is like an uncurable disease. It will stay there for as long as these people do not change – until we all come to an end. It is becoming a hopeless case.

The Magic of Lotto

I was never a fan of Lotto, sweepstakes and the like. But don't get me wrong, I am not against it. In fact, I believe it's a great way of spending that tiny amount of money (knowing it won't just go to the PCSO's incumbent officers' pockets)

I would always rant about mom randomly pointing her fingers at those numbers in the calendar, making her look like a completely lost child. She wouldn't stop there. She would constanly ask me of birthdates, anniversaries, favorite number as a child, ages of whos, numbers I may have dreamt of and whatnot. She would even ask me to add and multiply and subtract and divide crazy figures so we'd come up with a number found on that lotto paper or whatever you call it, and that's how she make her combinations. Ooh how wonderful of an effect this Lotto brings about to the mother-daughter relationship.

The Grand Lotto jackpot prize today reaches the  amount of P315M.... Let me say that again, P315M! ! ! ! Did that sink in deep enough to make you fly to the moon and play Richie Rich?

So what to do with that big big Big BIG (gasp) big amount of prize? They say the root of all evil is MONEY. If that’s the case, then I think no one should win the lottery jackpot prize. If one more evil is added to earth or Philippines for that matter, I swear the Divine Being up there will come rushing down and pronounce our doom.

“I am the Lotto Winner”, had that label hanging around your neck like those name tags you wore during the first days of Kindergarden, you would be world’s favorite (in all aspects, if you know what I mean)

What’s great about Lotto is that it generates hope to all who patronizes the game.  It gives them this feeling that their dreams are actually appearing true by means of it. Isn’t that rewarding enough?

I am not really sure what this write-up is getting at, but I guess all I want to say is that, though I may also have dreams and desires of winning the jackpot prize (ok, there must be some miracle for this to happen because I have never played Lotto and sweepstakes), my BIGGEST hope is that whoever wins the lotto, may this very very very lucky person share the blessings especially those who may need it and spend the money wisely. Otherwise, the god of LUCK would condemn you.

MORATO-phrenia: THE DELUSIONAL MANOLING

My mind and heart went hand in hand in search for the perfect last minute out-of-town getaway. Summer is almost over (in few days it is -- it doesn't even feel the country is still in that season with all the heavy rain pouring almost all day and night -- though I can't say I didn't like it, it saved electricity in the house because I didn't have to open the A/C anymore) and I haven't taken a dip in the beach.. or even the cheapest and nearest pool, for that matter.

So I went online, and when I was just about to hit the keyboard with letters T-O-U-R P-A-C-K-A-G-E-S, I just had a change of heart. I googled for some interesting local news. Just wanted to see what kind of trouble Filipinos are stirring up now (not that it's some kind of new thing to me. I actually would almost *NOT* believe if the Filipinos are behaving very well)
So much for the Ta-Da part, let me tell you what I think about the article I chanced upon (or consciously looked for, here's the link -> http://www.pia.gov.ph/?m=7&r=GHQ&id=32125)

Guess what? Morato is still clinging on the spotlight. He had not left, and don't think he will anytime soon, despite the fact that his time is nigh (or that's at least everyone's Christmas wish every year) and all he *should* be worrying about is how he can leave a good memory of him that is actually worth remembering. He still thinks he's the same star shining the brightest up in the sky. Well, inasmuch as I want to live that beautiful dream of his, I am just too honest to say -- Morato, give up the throne. It no longer suits you. Rest now, and just enjoy your remaining years. You have been working so hard all your life.

As Morato continues to pest Juico with stupid crazy im-not-so-sure-about-it-but-im-gonna-say-it-anyway statements, the smart ones who wholeheartedly accepted the gift of wise thinking have put Morato's world in the middle of the circle they have formed themselves, burnt it while hollering with strips of animal blood in their faces like a ritual. OK, that was too ghoulish. Point is, he made a great impact that people are pushed to ponder and examine more the allegations he fires away everytime. And the more people do this, the more they realize that Morato is just a sucker for attention, probably undergoing some mental disorder due to his old age (which again leads me back to that unsolicited advice for Morato telling him to stop thinking about too much. Honestly, he can just take the forever day off and cruise with his lover or dog (if one actually managed to keep up with him) and the world wouldn't even care.

“We are operating at a loss. In fact, we are banned at the National Kidney and Transplant Institute (NKTI) and Philippine Heart Center, because of the unpaid credits that the previous administrator had left,”, said Juico. I am quite sure this answers the issue on death and failing health of 31 kidney transplant patients.

Had the *previous* administration been honest and casted away corruption, these unfortunate ones will receive what is due them.

So why is Morato picking on Juico's administration ALONE. Is the administration under him was played clean the point he is getting at? None of his arraignments suggest even a bit of that point. He complains about almost everything, but what do you expect? He is an unhappy man who never settled for anyone for believing no one is good enough for him. He's just the only best man living. No one equals to his level.

“Huwag na daw tulungan ang may cancer na Stage 4 na, total mamamatay na din daw." DAW. DAW. DAW. looks to me as if there is no close family ties among the Moratos. So this words were actually uttered by Morato's pamangkin, how come Manoling, the very Uncle of this unnamed pamangkin-- the Manoling who seems to know about everything under the sun, does not know who said what. The pamangkin could have just called his uncle and told him directly about this brilliant idea of his, but he then decided to head trip and imagine vividly that it was actually Juico saying those words. It only goes to show that the mental illness runs in their blood.

"Another issue that Morato hurled at PCSO was the P20,000 medical assistance limit that they give each patient" OK, but this was agreed and signed by Morato and his board members. So I don't really get it why he is ranting on Juico like a 7-year-old boy who didn't get his favorite toy because his mom refused to buy it.

This Morato-phrenia is really getting serious. Any doctor who discovers a cure for this will definitely make a fortune. Imagine curing the disease that poisons and pollutes the minds of the Filipinos so they believe him and join his I'm-not-so-sure-but-I'm-gonna-say-it-anyway campaign --- ohh such bliss for the wise men of Philippines.

ARTICLE: http://www.pia.gov.ph/?m=7&r=GHQ&id=32125

Philippines, where are you headed?

Who would have thought that the Year 2011 would start out with crazy issues and lots of useless whingeing of people who have nothing to do? It's been almost 5 months now and we are still on the same phase. (whoever said phase was just temporary had never tried living in PI) I still haven't gotten over the smoke from illegal firecrackers from new year's eve yet, now we have smoke billowing from public transport explosions, adding to the haze that an already dazed and confused Philippine population is struggling to see through (No, I'm not promoting RH BILL here. I will get to that issue next time I write) Carnappings with murder are like cartoons flashed on the telly every waking day, assassinations of journalists have become a hobby of no-good filthy rich big shots who try to beat the sh*t out of them by the write-ups (uh-oh -- that's what I have in mind right now. I love you Mommy and Daddy!), bombings of public utility vehicles; it’s just another regular day in this lawless land called the Philippines.

You might ask why is there an increase in crime rate. There is nothing really alarming about what is
happening in our country. Truth out, when you have a leader like the one we have (who is.. well,infeebled) ;
bad things will rise to the occasion. Organized crime suddenly gets more imprudent as an unsuspecting public
let their guard down thinking that their holier-than-thou President will attract goodness. Unfortunately,
this whole “goody-two-shoes” act by Philippine President Noynoy Aquino (PNoy) just makes him look like a pushover. With the incident just happened recently where Macalinao was shot dead in Bay, Laguna province, pushing him to his limits is exactly what criminals have planned, and so far, things are going smoothly for them. Good Job!

Aside from having an uninspiring leader, low anticipation of adversity and conviction rates adds up to the
increase in crime rate. For all we know, the low apprehension rate might even be accountable for the
allegation that some "trusted" members of the Philippine National Police (PNP) or the Philippine military may
be in on the ignominious acts of violence. And even in cases when criminals get lucky and do get caught, the
courts are often inefficient (or too corrupt) to punish them. In other words, impunity or exemption is the
name of the game. The government’s plunder case against former military comptroller Carlos Garcia is case in point. For reasons blurry as hell, Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez who handled the case allowed the retired general to post bail and possibly get away with plunder even when the case against Garcia was strong. It’s another legal wrangling favoring the accused.

Unemployment also contributes to the growth in criminal activity. PNoy’s promise of “walang corrupt, kung
walang mahirap” fails to be in reality because poverty drives most people in outrageous situations to do
callous acts just to survive. As long as PNoy does not implement any radical measures to provide more jobs
for the growing number of jobless Filipinos, criminal activities will grow along with it. The high crime rate
in the country also directs to a growing need for private armies or “hired goons”. Those who feel that they
are required to hire private armies include lawmakers or public servants because their political rivals have
a watchful eye on them. Im sure the latter have no qualms about eliminating their opponents. Unfortunately,
this sick situation makes our lawmakers less motivated to find solutions to crime that are actually
effective, and I mean EFFECTIVE!!! To add up to these terrible happenings in my beloved country, private
armies, which often perform without proper guardianship and supervision, are most likely to commit abuses and violence themselves.

Our society, sad to say, is under threat by bad elements that are taking over our country-- slowly but
SURELY. The rest of the Filipinos however would just take this urgent situation as something that is
“worthless and unimportant”. They would worry and trouble themselves thinking about it for a day but party
the next because they would rather leave it up to heaven's will. I probably would try the practice. Good
timing, I can worry about it today and forget about it tomorrow. Friday seems like a perfect day to unwind
(not!).

Glimpse to my thoughts

I just had my late night bite and was ready to hit the sack when I saw Juico being flashed on the television.

It was a face to face with Kaibigang Boy Abunda. SO i told to myself, “A couple more hours staying up won’t hurt. This sure is worth it and interesting!”

I’ve got my eyes peeled with the Juico and Morato issue as I know the latter has a bomb to drop every time and this just brought out the inquisitive side of me.

The Chairperson of PCSO was put to spotlight to answer all the questions and accusations against her, mainly by Manay Manoling — the forever shining gay in armor of the poor (as he claims it).

For some reason, I decided to write my thoughts in regards to this issue. In retrospect, I had lousy experiences with blogsites and social sites and whatnot. But I felt that Manay Manoling has gone past fighting for what he “believes” is wrong. He has berated Margie Juico harshly. So, what is it really with you Manoling? Mahirap yatang mambatikos ng ganoon kung walang malalim na pinanghuhugutan, hindi ba?

MY NOTES:


1.PCSO is down with BANKCRUPTCY issue? 
Bankruptcy is when you spend more than what you are earning. That is not happening in PCSO. As explained by Juico, for every lotto ticket bought by an individual, 30 cents goes to the charity. 15 cents  for operating funds and 55 cents is solely for the PRICE (which is never touched). The first two can be used in the place of each other. Imagine how many Filipinos come to heel in all Lotto outlets. And one Filipino does not only pay for a single ticket. PCSO has money. A LOT. Juico already broadcasted that fact. Long before Juico became the Chairperson, there is already a BILLION debt. WOW! Whose pocket did it go? or pockets perhaps? I started in 2005, but now getting better because PCSO under Juico’s administration managed to do streamlining and they definitey have financial discipline. They were able to save 27M / month just by renegotiation in paper. Good Job Madame Margie.


2. Rationalization and Shuffling as Internal Problems
PCSO, just like any company would do, think of maximizing their employee’s talents. It was found out that everytime a new board joins the team, this person would always bring casual agent/s who is/are supposed to be co-terminous unless their appointment is justified. As of the moment, PCSO has over 400 casuals. That’s a big number. And you don’t pay people who don’t really do their job, right? I am sure everyone who is reading this would agree with me.
Reshuffling? A footage of Manay Manoling was included in the show asking why would PCSO transfer its employees to offices far from where they live. He also stressed that this action would mean spending more money. Yes, very true. But you are not the only person who has his brain working, Manoling. Did you think Juico and the rest of the team were not as good as you to be not able to perceive the consequences? WOW! Employees were transferred only if it was necessary, and no, not to places very far from their homes. Where did that come from?


3.The transfer from QI to PICC
When PCSO was moved to QI from San Marcelino, the transition reports included Certificates of Soundness and Integrity, Engineer consultants were being asked for advice as the building had structural defects. This pushed Juico to call the secretary of DPWH to inquire about this matter. As recommended, it was better to just demolish it. Juico being humane and responsible for all the people under her transferred the office to PICC as soon as possible, which I think was a wise decision rather than risk the lives of her employees. Any leader would do the same, unless you have no regard to life.


4.QI to be turned into Condominium units 
Manay Manoling would just shoot out allegations even if they were not founded yet. First, he said it was Ayala Land that was interested. Now, it’s Alex Lopez who is a close friend of Popoy. Manoling, you should know that everytime you create assumptions, you jeopardize your credibility MORE.


5. The transfer of funds to UCPB
UCPB is now accredited and allowed to handle funds from PCSO, but not all the funds were put to the said bank. Just a small amount, only because it offered bigger interest, which is reasonable and legal I believe. And this was a decision made by the whole board members. It was a collective decision. It was said clearly in the interview that  placements like this should be approved by the whole board members. Just come to think of it, if it was a decision made by Juico alone, I am confident to say that the first ones who will react will be her board members. Makes sense?


6.Why Margie Juico?
With 12 years of experience, I think it’s safe to say that Margie is the perfect person for the post. Need I say more? The President wouldn’t be the president for nothing, so trust when he appoints someone. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with assigning people on a particular role, so long as that person is capable to do the job. Clearly, Juico is effective. She’s just festered by some gay who always wanna be a diva. GIVE HER A BREAK MANAY!


7. Issue on CHildhouse
Emotional hostage it is! First off, they were advised to relocate. Communication between Childhouse and Juico didn’t happen once. There was verbal communication followed by a written one. What else was needed to get the message???


8.PCSO encourages a gambling culture?
Are you serious??? It gives people something to do and something to hope for. Without PCSO, where would our corrupt government get the budget to help those who are in need. Put it this way, your P20 actually goes a long way. You know part of that small amount you shed will aid those who are unprivilaged. And it allows you to have something to look forward to. Isn’t that great? At the end of the day, even if you didn’t win the jackpot price or the small cash winnings, you know in your heart that your money didn’t get stuck up in the cash drawer. It benefited someone. And then you wake up the next day with new hopes and dreams and well… a good heart that is willing and ready to help…


Well, I have to hit the sack now. I have a job I love so much and I sure don’t wanna come to work feeling all sleepy and cranky (I can really be cantankerous when I don’t get enough sleep.. or a good sleep at least)

PLUS! I don’t want this issue to consume the entire me tonight. That would mean nightmare (because Manay Manoling would be in it) :)


Your opinions and comments are very much welcome! Even yours, Sir Manoling.


Good Night!